The following is a quick list of 9 habits for having a healthy marriage. This is not an exhaustive list of tips and could include many more.
9 Habits For A Healthy Marriage
LEAVE IT IN THE PAST
Many marriages struggle because mistakes that happened in the past get repeatedly brought up in the present. If you or your spouse have moved past it, dealt with it, sought and given forgiveness, then keep it there. Don’t dig it up again. Don’t remind your spouse of their mistake or use it against them. Don’t keep a record of wrongs stored up for future use.
ENCOURAGE YOUR SPOUSE
Say at least 2-3 good things to your spouse daily. Many might think, should I be doing that anyways? Yes, but this is about being intentional. Encourage your spouse by pointing out things you appreciate about them or, for example, tell them how good a job they did vacuuming. It may seem crazy, or you might think they know how much I appreciate them. Do it anyways.
SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE
Sometimes spouses will say something like, “I am just telling it like it is,” or “I am just speaking the truth.” The Bible is clear, speak the truth but do it in love. Just read Ephesians 4:15. If truth is not spoken with love, it will not have the desired impact. Love includes being kind. Love is not puffed up (proud), does not seek its own, hopes all things, and does not fail. The characteristics of 1 Corinthians 13 are those of love, and the truth we speak, to our spouse, should be done in that way.
REMEMBER, MARRIAGE IS NOT 50/50
There is a misconception that marriage is an equal partnership of each spouse putting in 50%. That is incorrect and will potentially lead to problems in the relationship. The work to make a marriage successful isn’t always going to be equally distributed between spouses. Sometimes life circumstances may mean that one spouse carries most of the load. For example, a spouse gets sick and can’t do much, or a job situation requires attention. It can be one of many things. By the way, keeping score is not a productive tool for ensuring fairness. The best thing to do is seek to put 100% into your marriage at all times.
SAY SORRY
When you make a mistake or do something wrong, admit it and humbly ask for forgiveness. If you hurt your spouse, don’t let pride get in the way. You should be quick to say, “I was wrong; I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Oh, don’t try to justify it or put the “but you” in there to cover it up.
TALK ABOUT SEXUAL INTIMACY
Too many married couples take this for granted. Take the time to discuss your marital intimacy with your spouse. Talk about how you can improve your relationship in this area. Be honest with each other and work together. Talk about how you can make it more satisfying and healthy and keep it vibrant. Don’t assume your partner is happy because they don’t say anything.
SCRIPTED ROMANCE
Remember, the “romance” you see on TV or displayed through social media is often scripted. So many couples, men and women, see the gestures of romance on TV or view the posts of others on social media and get caught up in thinking, why doesn’t my spouse do that for me and fail to realize that these things are often setups. The “reality” of all forms of media today is often a surface veneer of look at me or looking for the approval of others. This is even done within relationships. Look at me; look at how much I love my spouse. Look at how good our relationship is. Often it’s done to get likes and accolades from people. Don’t live romance through others, and don't seek your spouse to do the same.
BE QUICK TO HEAR AND SLOW TO SPEAK
When your spouse is sharing with you how they feel or something, they are going through, be attentive. If you are dealing with a situation that will potentially cause conflict. If you are angry because of something your spouse did. Follow James 1:19 and be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
DO THE CHORES
Surprise your spouse by doing a household chore without them asking. Do something and take care of a household task that they typically do or maybe on their list. Show them you appreciate them by serving your spouse in what is sometimes the mundane tasks of life and marriage. Make dinner, clean the bathroom, take out the garbage, cut the grass, or bathe the kids. Surprisingly, making these little gestures can go a long way in building a healthy marriage
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